How can we grieve during lockdown in a way that is healthy, meaningful and accepting?
Over the last few months COVID-19 has brought a tsunami of change to our lives creating an enormous sense of loss. A loss of routine. A loss of certainty and everyday familiarity. A loss of job and income. And for many the loss of a loved one.
With loss comes grief.
As a bereavement counsellor, I have had to consider how in lockdown I can help my clients deal with their grief at this time and I would like to share some of my thoughts with you.
In their book “Death, Dying and Bereavement” Dickenson, Johnson & Katz describe grief as
“… essentially an emotion that draws us towards something or someone that is missing. It arises from awareness of a discrepancy between the world that is and the world that should be”
Being in lockdown has removed us from our world as it ‘should be’ and placed us in another world, a world of isolation and social distancing which has forced us to accept a new normal.
Most of our natural coping strategies that help us manage grief and loss have been removed or limited. Surrounding ourselves with loved ones and friends, using familiar routines such as work, exercise or hobbies to help us function in our grief may not now be available to us, with the consequent adverse impact on how we process our grief.
So how can we grieve during lockdown in a way that is healthy, meaningful and accepting?
As difficult as this may sound, try to take care of yourself physically. We all need to rest, sleep, eat well at the best of times. This is even more important whilst we are grieving. Take your daily exercise and try to engage with people whilst being mindful of social distancing measures.
Continue to stay in touch with family and friends. Whilst there is no substitute for being with those you love and care for during a time of loss, you can still stay connected by using the telephone, social media and video calling. Just because you cannot physically touch them does not mean you cannot receive emotional support from those who care about you.
You need to show yourself compassion. Learn to be your own best friend. Be kind to yourself. Try to understand and acknowledge that this is a difficult and unusual time to have to deal with grief and loss. Remind yourself that lockdown is not forever and there will be a time when you can get together with your family and friends and share your feelings in a more normal way.
It is important to acknowledge your loss and accept your feelings without allowing it to overwhelm you. Do things you enjoy. Read, listen to music, cook, draw, look after your home and garden, do things that help to distract you from what can be an all-consuming feeling of loss.
An old Chinese proverb says
“You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair”
