{"id":4044,"date":"2020-11-26T14:05:02","date_gmt":"2020-11-26T13:05:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tib.ambercouch.co.uk\/?p=4044"},"modified":"2022-02-21T16:19:29","modified_gmt":"2022-02-21T16:19:29","slug":"its-time-to-stop-saying-im-fine-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/its-time-to-stop-saying-im-fine-2\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s time to stop saying \u2018I\u2019m fine\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id='av_section_1'  class='avia-section av-1ar6tr2-10d8786672bbc9732f284e555d91def7 main_color avia-section-default avia-no-border-styling  avia-builder-el-0  el_before_av_section  avia-builder-el-first  avia-bg-style-scroll container_wrap sidebar_right'  ><div class='container av-section-cont-open' ><main  role=\"main\" itemprop=\"mainContentOfPage\"  class='template-page content  av-content-small alpha units'><div class='post-entry post-entry-type-page post-entry-4044'><div class='entry-content-wrapper clearfix'>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-kiyfy9cv-3399f83f71bc80a42b39d8a762eed448\">\n#top .av-special-heading.av-kiyfy9cv-3399f83f71bc80a42b39d8a762eed448{\npadding-bottom:0;\ncolor:#2c5c88;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-kiyfy9cv-3399f83f71bc80a42b39d8a762eed448 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-char{\nfont-size:25px;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-kiyfy9cv-3399f83f71bc80a42b39d8a762eed448 .special-heading-inner-border{\nborder-color:#2c5c88;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-kiyfy9cv-3399f83f71bc80a42b39d8a762eed448 .av-subheading{\nfont-size:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='av-special-heading av-kiyfy9cv-3399f83f71bc80a42b39d8a762eed448 av-special-heading-h1 custom-color-heading blockquote modern-quote modern-centered  avia-builder-el-1  el_before_av_hr  avia-builder-el-first '><h1 class='av-special-heading-tag'  itemprop=\"headline\"  >Tips on how and why you might want to change your response when someone asks how you are<\/h1><div class=\"special-heading-border\"><div class=\"special-heading-inner-border\"><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-17xj27i-2774a471c85c43b2313be373c43eb28e\">\n#top .hr.av-17xj27i-2774a471c85c43b2313be373c43eb28e{\nmargin-top:30px;\nmargin-bottom:40px;\n}\n.hr.av-17xj27i-2774a471c85c43b2313be373c43eb28e .hr-inner{\nwidth:70px;\nborder-color:#2c5c88;\nmax-width:45%;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-17xj27i-2774a471c85c43b2313be373c43eb28e hr-custom  avia-builder-el-2  el_after_av_heading  el_before_av_image  hr-center hr-icon-yes'><span class='hr-inner inner-border-av-border-fat'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><span class='av-seperator-icon' aria-hidden='true' data-av_icon='\ue8bf' data-av_iconfont='entypo-fontello'><\/span><span class='hr-inner inner-border-av-border-fat'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-16omjri-8085dc82c22bce6b54926f214068bfab\">\n.avia-image-container.av-16omjri-8085dc82c22bce6b54926f214068bfab img.avia_image{\nbox-shadow:none;\n}\n.avia-image-container.av-16omjri-8085dc82c22bce6b54926f214068bfab .av-image-caption-overlay-center{\ncolor:#ffffff;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='avia-image-container av-16omjri-8085dc82c22bce6b54926f214068bfab av-styling-no-styling avia-align-center  avia-builder-el-3  el_after_av_hr  avia-builder-el-last '   itemprop=\"image\" itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\" ><div class=\"avia-image-container-inner\"><div class=\"avia-image-overlay-wrap\"><img decoding=\"async\" class='wp-image-4890 avia-img-lazy-loading-not-4890 avia_image ' src=\"https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/Its-time-to-stop-saying-\u2018Im-fine-1030x687-1.jpg\" alt='' title='Its-time-to-stop-saying-\u2018Im-fine-1030x687'  height=\"687\" width=\"1030\"  itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" srcset=\"https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/Its-time-to-stop-saying-\u2018Im-fine-1030x687-1.jpg 1030w, https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/Its-time-to-stop-saying-\u2018Im-fine-1030x687-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/Its-time-to-stop-saying-\u2018Im-fine-1030x687-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/Its-time-to-stop-saying-\u2018Im-fine-1030x687-1-705x470.jpg 705w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1030px) 100vw, 1030px\" \/><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n<\/div><\/div><\/main><!-- close content main element --><\/div><\/div><div id='av_section_2'  class='avia-section av-13zylzi-ce3a735a18ae7d78b4c670242a44a089 main_color avia-section-default avia-no-border-styling  avia-builder-el-4  el_after_av_section  avia-builder-el-last  avia-bg-style-scroll container_wrap sidebar_right'  ><div class='container av-section-cont-open' ><div class='template-page content  av-content-small alpha units'><div class='post-entry post-entry-type-page post-entry-4044'><div class='entry-content-wrapper clearfix'>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-13at9e6-8b67653571ca69416a1673807322491e\">\n.flex_column.av-13at9e6-8b67653571ca69416a1673807322491e{\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\npadding:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-13at9e6-8b67653571ca69416a1673807322491e av_one_full  avia-builder-el-5  el_before_av_textblock  avia-builder-el-first  first flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding '     ><p>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-kiyfb810-ce3aa38caa5232bb7158dc3ff1dfd871\">\n#top .av-special-heading.av-kiyfb810-ce3aa38caa5232bb7158dc3ff1dfd871{\npadding-bottom:10px;\ncolor:#2c5c88;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-kiyfb810-ce3aa38caa5232bb7158dc3ff1dfd871 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-char{\nfont-size:25px;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-kiyfb810-ce3aa38caa5232bb7158dc3ff1dfd871 .special-heading-inner-border{\nborder-color:#2c5c88;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-kiyfb810-ce3aa38caa5232bb7158dc3ff1dfd871 .av-subheading{\nfont-size:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='av-special-heading av-kiyfb810-ce3aa38caa5232bb7158dc3ff1dfd871 av-special-heading-h3 custom-color-heading  avia-builder-el-6  el_before_av_hr  avia-builder-el-first '><h3 class='av-special-heading-tag'  itemprop=\"headline\"  >Is this your stock response too? It is for many of us, when we\u2019re asked how we are. Before you know it, you find yourself saying <span class='special_amp'>\u201c<\/span>Oh, I\u2019m fine thanks<span class='special_amp'>\u201d<\/span> or <span class='special_amp'>\u201c<\/span>I\u2019m good<span class='special_amp'>\u201d<\/span> when actually this can be far from the truth. <\/h3><div class=\"special-heading-border\"><div class=\"special-heading-inner-border\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><br \/>\n<div  class='hr av-73uh1a-4c4eec3812c4d04422a9bfa4a1841e56 hr-default  avia-builder-el-7  el_after_av_heading  el_before_av_textblock '><span class='hr-inner '><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div><br \/>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-kiyfxdys-c2240b5d517b40564961e64d940fa6d0'  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The usual drill, when we bump into someone we know, is to ask how the other is, both say we\u2019re fine and then, after some polite small talk, move on. In reality, during these brief exchanges, it\u2019s likely that at least one of you is not totally \u2018fine\u2019. And the chances are that, given the current widespread anxiety around the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/coping-with-separation-anxiety-during-a-pandemic\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">coronavirus pandemic<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, neither of you is feeling completely happy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We generally presume other people don\u2019t have the time, headspace or simply won\u2019t want to know how we\u2019re really feeling. And perhaps we\u2019re worried about what they might think if we did open up.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But one thing is for sure, suffering in silence is not the answer.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>How can talking help my mental health?<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It might be that you\u2019re feeling totally fine and there\u2019s nothing to tell. In which case, that\u2019s great, in fact, that\u2019s brilliant. But what if you\u2019re not ok? What if you\u2019re feeling down, depressed or find yourself struggling? What do you think would happen if you told someone how you were really feeling?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With the right person (see our tips on \u2018questioner\u2019s intent\u2019 below) and in the right situation, opening up and telling someone about your feelings can really make a difference. Talking can help you feel supported and less alone. It can help you process emotions and take charge of your wellbeing, and it might also help others open up and share their feelings and concerns with you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Three tips on how to handle the question \u2018Are you ok?\u2019<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While it\u2019s good to be open in answering questions about how you\u2019re doing, sometimes it can be difficult dealing with someone\u2019s curiosity around this. Even if that curiosity is well-intentioned. The whole dilemma around what to say, and how much to tell, can fill us with dread on hearing those three little words.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, here are a few tips to help you to decide how to answer:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b><i>Work out your questioner\u2019s intent<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To a large extent, this very much depends on who is asking you the question. Is it a good friend or a close family member? Do you think the person genuinely wants to know how you are? And is it someone you feel can be trusted with \u2018inside information\u2019 about your situation and feelings? A good rule of thumb is that if it\u2019s someone you wouldn\u2019t normally feel comfortable confiding in, then it\u2019s probably best to keep your answer brief and move on to a different topic of conversation.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b><i>Decide how answering honestly will affect you<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Again, how you feel about this will also depend on who you\u2019re talking to. But opening up about something you\u2019re finding difficult can be painful, so it\u2019s wise to think about how this will affect you. Assess if they\u2019re the right person to be there if you do get upset. If you\u2019re feeling vulnerable and don\u2019t think you\u2019ll be comfortable being honest with them, or worry how they\u2019ll respond in return, it\u2019s best to stick to short answers.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b><i>Set some boundaries<\/i><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some people can be persistent in their questioning. Perhaps they already know about difficult periods you\u2019ve had in the past. Or it might be someone you\u2019ve confided in before and since regretted doing so. If you don\u2019t want to answer their questions, you can let that person know you appreciate their concern and reassure them you know they\u2019re there if you need them. Then gently request you keep to lighter topics rather than every chat becoming a serious conversation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Why counselling can help<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes we don\u2019t always feel we can open up to those around us. We might fear feelings of shame, be concerned we\u2019ll be burdening others or worry our feelings will be dismissed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the benefits of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/services\/individual-therapy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">talking therapy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is that you enter into a safe and confidential space, where you will not be judged. Here, your therapist helps you to explore and understand your feelings, and he or she will empower you to make your own healthy decisions. You can learn how to improve communication, change your thought patterns and overcome issues that are causing you emotional pain.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ultimately, being open and sharing how you are really feeling with the right person can be a great relief and help to bring about lasting change.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019d like to find out more about counselling, simply<\/span><\/i> <a href=\"https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/contact\/\"><b><i>get in touch<\/i><\/b><\/a> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">o<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">r give us a call on<\/span><\/i> <b><i>0292 010 3173<\/i><\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">we\u2019d love to listen and discuss how we can help you reach a positive outcome<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><br \/>\n<div  class='hr av-73uh1a-4c4eec3812c4d04422a9bfa4a1841e56 hr-default  avia-builder-el-9  el_after_av_textblock  avia-builder-el-last '><span class='hr-inner '><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div><\/p><\/div><section  class='av_textblock_section av-h341cu-0ff96b79a244482b676f8425c26aabe8'  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><h4><strong><span style=\"color: #2c5c88;\">Author: <\/span><span style=\"color: #2c5c88;\">| <\/span><\/strong><strong><span style=\"color: #2c5c88;\">Talk In The Bay <\/span><span style=\"color: #2c5c88;\">| <\/span><\/strong><strong><span style=\"color: #2c5c88;\">Since 2008<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n<\/div><\/section>\n<div  class='av-social-sharing-box av-kas8m7wc-c7c82e8ff9f7dcee15de2b56b2be96b3 av-social-sharing-box-minimal  avia-builder-el-11  el_after_av_textblock  el_before_av_hr  av-social-sharing-box-fullwidth'><div class=\"av-share-box\"><h5 class='av-share-link-description av-no-toc 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