{"id":3429,"date":"2019-06-12T16:09:22","date_gmt":"2019-06-12T16:09:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tib.ambercouch.co.uk\/?p=3429"},"modified":"2022-02-21T16:24:11","modified_gmt":"2022-02-21T16:24:11","slug":"understanding-teenagers-a-parents-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/understanding-teenagers-a-parents-guide\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding Teenagers &#8211; A Parents Guide"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id='av_section_1'  class='avia-section av-1ar6tr2-10d8786672bbc9732f284e555d91def7 main_color avia-section-default avia-no-border-styling  avia-builder-el-0  el_before_av_section  avia-builder-el-first  avia-bg-style-scroll container_wrap sidebar_right'  ><div class='container av-section-cont-open' ><main  role=\"main\" itemprop=\"mainContentOfPage\"  class='template-page content  av-content-small alpha units'><div class='post-entry post-entry-type-page post-entry-3429'><div class='entry-content-wrapper clearfix'>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-jwtdu2ks-d871332ba8fc1b6d9c912be6e6e0e449\">\n#top .av-special-heading.av-jwtdu2ks-d871332ba8fc1b6d9c912be6e6e0e449{\npadding-bottom:0;\ncolor:#2c5c88;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-jwtdu2ks-d871332ba8fc1b6d9c912be6e6e0e449 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-char{\nfont-size:25px;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-jwtdu2ks-d871332ba8fc1b6d9c912be6e6e0e449 .special-heading-inner-border{\nborder-color:#2c5c88;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-jwtdu2ks-d871332ba8fc1b6d9c912be6e6e0e449 .av-subheading{\nfont-size:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='av-special-heading av-jwtdu2ks-d871332ba8fc1b6d9c912be6e6e0e449 av-special-heading-h1 custom-color-heading blockquote modern-quote modern-centered  avia-builder-el-1  el_before_av_hr  avia-builder-el-first '><h1 class='av-special-heading-tag'  itemprop=\"headline\"  >Understanding Teenagers &#8211; A Parents Guide<\/h1><div class=\"special-heading-border\"><div class=\"special-heading-inner-border\"><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-17xj27i-2774a471c85c43b2313be373c43eb28e\">\n#top .hr.av-17xj27i-2774a471c85c43b2313be373c43eb28e{\nmargin-top:30px;\nmargin-bottom:40px;\n}\n.hr.av-17xj27i-2774a471c85c43b2313be373c43eb28e .hr-inner{\nwidth:70px;\nborder-color:#2c5c88;\nmax-width:45%;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-17xj27i-2774a471c85c43b2313be373c43eb28e hr-custom  avia-builder-el-2  el_after_av_heading  el_before_av_image  hr-center hr-icon-yes'><span class='hr-inner inner-border-av-border-fat'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><span class='av-seperator-icon' aria-hidden='true' data-av_icon='\ue8bf' data-av_iconfont='entypo-fontello'><\/span><span class='hr-inner inner-border-av-border-fat'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-16omjri-0c13727914cb2728058ad2e5b8c2f403\">\n.avia-image-container.av-16omjri-0c13727914cb2728058ad2e5b8c2f403 img.avia_image{\nbox-shadow:none;\n}\n.avia-image-container.av-16omjri-0c13727914cb2728058ad2e5b8c2f403 .av-image-caption-overlay-center{\ncolor:#ffffff;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='avia-image-container av-16omjri-0c13727914cb2728058ad2e5b8c2f403 av-styling- avia-align-center  avia-builder-el-3  el_after_av_hr  avia-builder-el-last '   itemprop=\"image\" itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\" ><div class=\"avia-image-container-inner\"><div class=\"avia-image-overlay-wrap\"><img decoding=\"async\" class='wp-image-4944 avia-img-lazy-loading-not-4944 avia_image ' src=\"https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Understanding-Teenagers-A-Parents-Guide-MR-1030x687-1.jpg\" alt='' title='Understanding-Teenagers-A-Parents-Guide-MR-1030x687'  height=\"687\" width=\"1030\"  itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" srcset=\"https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Understanding-Teenagers-A-Parents-Guide-MR-1030x687-1.jpg 1030w, https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Understanding-Teenagers-A-Parents-Guide-MR-1030x687-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Understanding-Teenagers-A-Parents-Guide-MR-1030x687-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/talkinthebay.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/Understanding-Teenagers-A-Parents-Guide-MR-1030x687-1-705x470.jpg 705w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1030px) 100vw, 1030px\" \/><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n<\/div><\/div><\/main><!-- close content main element --><\/div><\/div><div id='av_section_2'  class='avia-section av-13zylzi-ce3a735a18ae7d78b4c670242a44a089 main_color avia-section-default avia-no-border-styling  avia-builder-el-4  el_after_av_section  avia-builder-el-last  avia-bg-style-scroll container_wrap sidebar_right'  ><div class='container av-section-cont-open' ><div class='template-page content  av-content-small alpha units'><div class='post-entry post-entry-type-page post-entry-3429'><div class='entry-content-wrapper clearfix'>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-13at9e6-8b67653571ca69416a1673807322491e\">\n.flex_column.av-13at9e6-8b67653571ca69416a1673807322491e{\n-webkit-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n-moz-border-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\nborder-radius:0px 0px 0px 0px;\npadding:0px 0px 0px 0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div class='flex_column av-13at9e6-8b67653571ca69416a1673807322491e av_one_full  avia-builder-el-5  avia-builder-el-no-sibling  first flex_column_div av-zero-column-padding '     ><p>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-3h9w1h-4f3facff16d58a75a32883c4e45ff727\">\n#top .av-special-heading.av-3h9w1h-4f3facff16d58a75a32883c4e45ff727{\npadding-bottom:0;\ncolor:#2c5c88;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-3h9w1h-4f3facff16d58a75a32883c4e45ff727 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-char{\nfont-size:25px;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-3h9w1h-4f3facff16d58a75a32883c4e45ff727 .special-heading-inner-border{\nborder-color:#2c5c88;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-3h9w1h-4f3facff16d58a75a32883c4e45ff727 .av-subheading{\nfont-size:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='av-special-heading av-3h9w1h-4f3facff16d58a75a32883c4e45ff727 av-special-heading-h1 custom-color-heading blockquote modern-quote modern-centered  avia-builder-el-6  el_before_av_hr  avia-builder-el-first '><h1 class='av-special-heading-tag'  itemprop=\"headline\"  >7 steps towards understanding and improving the relationship between you and your teenager<\/h1><div class=\"special-heading-border\"><div class=\"special-heading-inner-border\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><br \/>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-f4io5q-1ca6656de771e7bb5d35fdf12b3fb15f\">\n#top .hr.av-f4io5q-1ca6656de771e7bb5d35fdf12b3fb15f{\nmargin-top:15px;\nmargin-bottom:15px;\n}\n.hr.av-f4io5q-1ca6656de771e7bb5d35fdf12b3fb15f .hr-inner{\nwidth:100px;\nborder-color:#2c5c88;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-f4io5q-1ca6656de771e7bb5d35fdf12b3fb15f hr-custom  avia-builder-el-7  el_after_av_heading  el_before_av_textblock  hr-left hr-icon-no'><span class='hr-inner inner-border-av-border-thin'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div><br \/>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-xn5ihq-470a342952b2902bf260f262ee68dbca'  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The chances are that if you are reading this then you may well be struggling to understand what may be going on in your teenagers head. \u00a0I do hope that this guide will be of some help to improving not only your understanding of the teenager in your life but ultimately the relationship that you have. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Neurologically speaking the brain is going through substantial changes during adolescence, all those connections that were built during childhood are gradually being \u201cpruned away\u201d as they are no longer needed. \u00a0Essentially, use it or lose it. However during this time, other connections are being reinforced as this will help with the brain become more efficient over time. Please note the brain will become more efficient over time so patience is key. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many parents comment that their adolescent child<strong> doesn\u2019t think before they act<\/strong>\u2026\u2026well, this is because of the \u201cpruning process\u201d that is currently taking place. \u00a0The thinking part of the brain which is responsible for decision making, planning and understanding consequences is the pre-frontal cortex and will be the last section to undergo this \u201cpruning.\u201d \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Until then, a part of the brain called the amygdala is relied upon to undertake to make decisions and work through problems. \u00a0<strong>Difficulties arise as the amygdala is responsible for regulating emotions, aggression and instincts.<\/strong> So if you\u2019re wondering why your teenager is\u2026\u2026. <\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"avia-testimonial-content \"><\/div>\n<\/div><\/section><br \/>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-jwtebau0-e0f0641280c827c7bfcb6f0928886e84\">\n#top .avia-icon-list-container.av-jwtebau0-e0f0641280c827c7bfcb6f0928886e84 .iconlist_icon{\nfont-size:16px;\n}\n#top #wrap_all .avia-icon-list-container.av-jwtebau0-e0f0641280c827c7bfcb6f0928886e84 .av_iconlist_title{\nfont-size:16px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='avia-icon-list-container av-jwtebau0-e0f0641280c827c7bfcb6f0928886e84  avia-builder-el-9  el_after_av_textblock  el_before_av_textblock '><ul class='avia-icon-list avia_animate_when_almost_visible avia-icon-list-left av-iconlist-small av-jwtebau0-e0f0641280c827c7bfcb6f0928886e84 avia-iconlist-animate'>\n<li><div class='iconlist_icon av-6k0xzp-5b2a48c1de9929c5525f1b4f83db455d avia-font-entypo-fontello'><span class='iconlist-char' aria-hidden='true' data-av_icon='\ue83e' data-av_iconfont='entypo-fontello'><\/span><\/div><article class=\"article-icon-entry av-iconlist-empty\"  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class=\"iconlist_content_wrap\"><header class=\"entry-content-header\"><div class='av_iconlist_title iconlist_title_small  '  itemprop=\"headline\" >Engaging in risky behaviour<\/div><\/header><div class='iconlist_content '  itemprop=\"text\" ><\/div><\/div><footer class=\"entry-footer\"><\/footer><\/article><div class=\"iconlist-timeline\"><\/div><\/li>\n<li><div class='iconlist_icon av-4bef91-e5a3892f98174fb1df32f154a478bf62 avia-font-entypo-fontello'><span class='iconlist-char' aria-hidden='true' data-av_icon='\ue8b4' data-av_iconfont='entypo-fontello'><\/span><\/div><article class=\"article-icon-entry av-iconlist-empty\"  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class=\"iconlist_content_wrap\"><header class=\"entry-content-header\"><div class='av_iconlist_title iconlist_title_small  '  itemprop=\"headline\" >Acting on impulse<\/div><\/header><div class='iconlist_content '  itemprop=\"text\" ><\/div><\/div><footer class=\"entry-footer\"><\/footer><\/article><div class=\"iconlist-timeline\"><\/div><\/li>\n<li><div class='iconlist_icon av-2hbb3p-d646287b8b2c666a966f2d20316bde7f avia-font-entypo-fontello'><span class='iconlist-char' aria-hidden='true' data-av_icon='\ue83f' data-av_iconfont='entypo-fontello'><\/span><\/div><article class=\"article-icon-entry av-iconlist-empty\"  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class=\"iconlist_content_wrap\"><header class=\"entry-content-header\"><div class='av_iconlist_title iconlist_title_small  '  itemprop=\"headline\" >Expressing stronger emotions<\/div><\/header><div class='iconlist_content '  itemprop=\"text\" ><\/div><\/div><footer class=\"entry-footer\"><\/footer><\/article><div class=\"iconlist-timeline\"><\/div><\/li>\n<\/ul><\/div><br \/>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-vraye6-aaddd2c70e880e191a037027e94def3e'  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now you know. <strong>But wait, this isn\u2019t the only process that is taking place.<\/strong> \u00a0Psychologically your teenager\u2019s awareness of themselves, their relationships and their understanding of the world and where and how they fit in have an impact. \u00a0At one point, your teenager most likely saw you as the all-seeing and all-knowing parent\u2026\u2026however as they\u2019ve gotten older this view of you has changed and they may very well tell you. \u00a0Often. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So why is this process taking place!? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, it\u2019s all down to evolution and been going on for thousands of years, how many of us have watched wildlife documentaries with Richard Attenborough saying something along the lines of \u201cAnd now it\u2019s time for the chimp\/cub\/chick\/pup to leave its home and go it alone.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><br \/>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-27qnp1-bc302db4ac9b002d592d2734eb125122\">\n#top .av-special-heading.av-27qnp1-bc302db4ac9b002d592d2734eb125122{\npadding-bottom:0;\ncolor:#2c5c88;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-27qnp1-bc302db4ac9b002d592d2734eb125122 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-char{\nfont-size:25px;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-27qnp1-bc302db4ac9b002d592d2734eb125122 .special-heading-inner-border{\nborder-color:#2c5c88;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-27qnp1-bc302db4ac9b002d592d2734eb125122 .av-subheading{\nfont-size:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='av-special-heading av-27qnp1-bc302db4ac9b002d592d2734eb125122 av-special-heading-h5 custom-color-heading blockquote modern-quote  avia-builder-el-11  el_after_av_textblock  el_before_av_textblock '><h5 class='av-special-heading-tag'  itemprop=\"headline\"  >For many parents watching their children navigate the transition from childhood to adolescence is incredibly difficult. The passing of time, wanting to protect their child from an ever increasing scary world and wanting their child go back to a time where they could protect them can be huge barriers to understanding what your teenager is going through. <\/h5><div class=\"special-heading-border\"><div class=\"special-heading-inner-border\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><br \/>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-vraye6-aaddd2c70e880e191a037027e94def3e'  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I am sorry to break it to you Mum and Dad, your little one is getting older, the older they get the less they are going to need and rely on you. \u00a0<strong>You can\u2019t stop this process, it\u2019s a vital part of their self-development and creating an identity.<\/strong> Rather than waste time wishing they were back to \u201chow they used to be\u201d it would be of greater benefit to <strong>accept<\/strong> what is happening, <strong>guide<\/strong> them as best as you can and trust them. Think <strong>modelling<\/strong>, demonstrate to your teenager the behaviour you would like to see. <\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I can\u2019t emphasise this one enough, if your child is struggling with their emotions then please do not say \u201cIt\u2019s just your hormones.\u201d This is quite possibly the single-handedly <strong>most unhelpful comment anyone could say to a teenager.<\/strong> \u00a0\u00a0Feelings and emotions are an extension of who they are, by throwing \u201cIt\u2019s just your hormones\u201d into the mix you\u2019re dismissing your teenagers experience and invalidating their emotions. Essentially the young person is being told \u201cWhat you\u2019re expressing right now isn\u2019t real so get over it.\u201d \u00a0Maybe you\u2019ve said this, if so what happened next!? Fireworks I\u2019d imagine or alternatively your child withdrew further into themselves.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Encourage your teenager to take <strong>healthy risks<\/strong> and don\u2019t be afraid to <strong>offer praise<\/strong>, this will help internalise and reinforce a positive image of themselves just as though neural pathways are being connected.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Boundaries<\/strong> are important, do try to be flexible and open to negotiation. \u00a0Does your teenager want to stay out an extra 30 minutes? Maybe you can agree to this but do not be afraid to spell out what will happen if they are late.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Your teenager is not your best friend.<\/strong> Do not offload onto your teenager, if you are having difficulties it\u2019s ok to be open and \u201creal\u201d about it but consider the impact of any disclosures that you make to them. \u00a0Remember, model the behaviour you\u2019d like to see\u2026. Which leads me onto number 5.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How are you? How is your own emotional wellbeing? When I talk to parents and ask this question I\u2019m usually met with \u201cI\u2019m fine, just as long as my child is ok then I\u2019ll be ok.\u201d This is a lovely sentiment but inadvertently puts more pressure on the child to \u201cbe happy\u201d then Mum or Dad can also \u201cbe happy.\u201d Your teenager is most likely aware of this, believes that they are letting their parents down because they\u2019re not \u201chappy\u201d and then thinks \u201cI\u2019ve failed\u201d and is left wracked with feelings of guilt. \u00a0<strong>Your teenager is not responsible for your happiness.<\/strong> If you want your teenager to behave in a particular way then model the behaviour you would like to see. If you are dealing with stress, anxiety, depression or have issues from your own childhood then take responsibility for these and take steps to find help. Maybe you\u2019ve internalised your own critical or dismissive parent and it\u2019s now playing out in the present.<strong> Once you get an understanding of your own issues you\u2019ll be emotionally available for your teenager.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI told you so.\u201d Your teenager is going to make mistakes\u2026\u2026often. \u00a0You may very well have told your teenager that if they make a particular choice there will be a particular outcome and in most likelihood they didn\u2019t listen to you and you have been proved right. \u00a0However, please do not say it. <strong>It\u2019ll just drive a wedge between you.<\/strong> When it comes to helping your teenager make decisions ask them to consider the immediate and long term implications of their choices. \u00a0Remember, you make mistakes too which leads me onto\u2026\u2026<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>It\u2019s ok, you\u2019re not perfect,<\/strong> you are a human being who gets some things right and some things wrong. \u00a0This tip is easier said than done, but <strong>consider saying \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d<\/strong> for the decisions you get wrong or mistakes that you make. \u00a0It really is an incredibly powerful technique to strengthen and deepen your relationship.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I hope this brief guide has given you some understanding as to what may be going on for your teenager, being a parent is the most difficult job there is, so be patient with yourself, forgive your mistakes and in time both your teenager and yourself can navigate this most difficult stage of development and have a deeper relationship built on trust and respect. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><br \/>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-h341cu-c9d2d70b4f2a4aa794d4fef59431f692'  itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><h4><span style=\"color: #2c5c88;\"><b>Author: Matt Reed \/ Talk in the Bay &#8211; June 2019<\/b><br \/>\n<\/span><\/h4>\n<\/div><\/section><br \/>\n<div  class='hr av-irqlvy-38010ffd506c85758901d682b36a94fd hr-default  avia-builder-el-14  el_after_av_textblock  el_before_av_social_share '><span class='hr-inner '><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div><br \/>\n<div  class='av-social-sharing-box av-e32xn2-b8718b7534cbfa0ac95f183760763425 av-social-sharing-box-default  avia-builder-el-15  el_after_av_hr  avia-builder-el-last  av-social-sharing-box-fullwidth'><div class=\"av-share-box\"><h5 class='av-share-link-description av-no-toc '>SHARE THIS BLOG POST<\/h5><ul class=\"av-share-box-list noLightbox\"><li class='av-share-link av-social-link-facebook' ><a target=\"_blank\" aria-label=\"Share on Facebook\" 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