Many people think of bullying as something that only happens in our youth. The truth is, while it is a common occurrence at school and during childhood, bullying can occur at any age. It isn’t limited to the playground either. Bullying can happen at work, online and even in your own home.
A bully is typically someone who wants to make you feel powerless, worthless or simply afraid. Experts believe bullying has three distinct features:
Understandably then, being bullied can be a traumatic experience. A number of people take their own lives due to bullying. Many more go on to develop anxiety, depression and self-harming behaviours following bullying.
On this page we will look into different types of bullying, including cyber bullying and bullying at work. We’ll also discuss how counselling for bullying can help you overcome negative emotions.
Bullying is generally defined as repeated behaviour used to hurt someone, either emotionally or physically. It can take a number of forms, including:
These are just examples, but in general any repeated behaviour that makes you feel bad about yourself can be considered bullying.
There are many reasons why someone might start bullying. It could be that they are unhappy with something in their own life, and are taking it out on someone else. They may feel powerless in other areas of their life, and so bully to feel powerful. In some cases the bully is being bullied themselves.
It may even be that their friends bully and they don’t want to feel left out. Whatever the reason, it is rarely simple. If you are bullying someone, you may be worried about talking to someone for fear of getting in trouble. The truth is, many schemes and organisation run to help people who are being bullied, also help those who bully.
Speaking to someone about the fact that you’re bullying may help you understand why you do it, and hopefully stop the behaviour. If you’re at school, try talking to your teacher or if you are in employment, try talking to your boss. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone you know, you may find counselling beneficial.
Counselling provides a safe space for you to discuss your concerns without fear of being judged. Your counsellor will work with you to try and uncover the reason behind your behaviour and help you to stop bullying.
Some people see school bullying as an inevitable part of a child’s life, building character and preparing them for the ‘real world’. The truth is, no child deserves to be bullied. Being frightened every day can be very damaging for children. It makes school a scary place to be, which understandably is not conducive to learning.
Signs your child may be getting bullied
It can be difficult to tell whether or not your child is being bullied at school. Look out for the following signs:
Any sort of odd behaviour could be linked to bullying. To help your child, try taking the following steps:
Broach the subject when you are both calm and relaxed. Let your child know that bullying is always unacceptable and promise them that you are there to help them.
If you think further action is required to stop the bullying, meet with their teacher. Explain the situation so they can keep an eye on your child during school time and speak to the bullies in question.
If the teacher is unable to help, you may need to go to the head teacher. Tell them everything you told the teacher during your meeting and outline what you expect them to do about it. Most schools have a strict zero-tolerance approach to bullying and will have schemes in place to stop bullying.
If you’re being bullied at school
If you are being bullied you may be scared that telling someone will make the situation worse for you. The truth is, nothing will change if you don’t say anything. Your parents and teachers are there to support and protect you, but you need to take that first step to tell someone.
Talk to your parents, your teacher or even the school nurse – anyone who you feel you can trust. Tell them what is happening and how it is making you feel. If you feel you can’t do this in person – write them a letter. If you find this difficult, you may want to call a helpline or seek help online. See our further help section for websites that can help.
Sadly bullying doesn’t always end when you leave school. Bullying at work can take many forms. It may be that the bully excludes you; they might give you unacceptable criticisms, or even overload you with work. This kind of behaviour can make you feel demotivated and depressed over time.
Often, the bully will recognise that you have talent or strength and feel threatened by it. By belittling you, they are often trying to make themselves ‘look’ better to management.
If you’re being bullied at work
Don’t be ashamed to tell people you are being bullied at work. If you tell others, you may discover that it is happening to other people too. Find someone you can talk to. Maybe an employee representative, someone in human resources or even your manager. Some companies have specially trained people who can help with harassment and bullying at work.
If you think you might want to take legal action, try to keep a diary of what’s happening. This is called a contemporaneous record and will be very useful. Talking to the bully in question can also help; often when they are confronted, they back down.
If the behaviour doesn’t stop, make a formal complaint and follow your company’s grievance procedure.
This form of bullying is becoming increasingly common. Cyber bullying refers to any bullying that takes place via your phone or the Internet. Some common forms of cyber bullying includes:
If you’re being bullied online
If you find yourself the victim of cyber bullying, there are steps you can take to stop it. First of all, if the bullying is happening on a social network, block and report them. Social networks are getting much better at discouraging bully behaviour. Most should have a function where you can report and block other users. Next, save any abusive comments you get to use as evidence. You can show this to an adult or even take legal action.
You can find out more about online safety by reading our how to stay safe online page.
When bullying takes place within a relationship, it is often known as domestic abuse. This can happen in any type of relationship, either romantic or family-orientated. Often, bullying in relationships occurs in the following ways:
If you’re being bullied in your relationship
Over time it can be easy to tolerate emotional bullying in a relationship, thinking it’s just ‘the way they are’. In truth, this form of bullying will erode your self-confidence and make you increasingly anxious. Recognising that the way your partner is making you feel is not acceptable is the first step. Once you have identified this you can either talk to them directly about their behaviour, or seek outside help.
In the case of domestic violence and sexual abuse, going to see a professional who can help you is essential. There are lots of organisations that offer support to help you get yourself out of the situation.
If the abuse is verbal or emotional, you may find counselling beneficial. If you want to try and make the relationship work, couples counselling may be able to help. If you break up, one-to-one counselling can help you rebuild your self-esteem.
Bullying tends to happen to those who are vulnerable, and sadly one of the most vulnerable groups in society is the elderly. Often they are unable to speak up about the bullying, so it is important to look out for signs:
In some cases, bullying can turn into physical abuse. Keeping an eye out for these signs and address the issue as soon as it arises is therefore crucial. If necessary, take them to their carer/doctor for treatment.
If you’re being bullied
If you are an elderly person getting bullied, talking to someone you trust is important. Explain what is happening and ask them to help you find a way to stop the bullying.
If you feel there is no one you can talk to, you can call a confidential helpline called Action on Elder Abuse: 0808 808 8141.
The quickest and easiest way to stop bullying is by telling someone. Asking for help is an essential first step to resolving the situation. You have a right to feel safe – at school, at work, at home and in your relationship.
If you don’t feel you have any friends or family you can talk to, reach out to a professional. You could talk to your teacher, call a helpline or even join an online support group.
If you do nothing, the bullying is likely to continue. This may lead to you developing a number of mental health conditions, including depression and anxiety.
Whether you are currently being bullied or have been bullied in the past, many people find counselling for bullying useful. If you are being bullied now, you can discuss what is happening, how it makes you feel and what you could do to change the situation. It can also help you to cope with any side-effects from bullying.
If you were bullied in the past, you may find you now suffer from low self-esteem. Counsellors who specialise in bullying can help you understand bullying better and may use the following techniques:
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave.
It is most commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but can be useful for other mental and physical health problems.
Solution-focused brief therapy – also known as solution-focused therapy – is an approach to psychotherapy based on solution-building rather than problem-solving. Although it acknowledges present problems and past causes, it predominantly explores an individual’s current resources and future hopes – helping them to look forward and use their own strengths to achieve their goals.
Schema Therapy helps you to understand and gain clarity of where and why difficulties have developed in life and provides a treatment plan for healing.
Learn more about Schema Therapy
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a form of psychotherapy and has been described as the fourth wave in therapy following CBT.
Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) is a data driven science of all behaviour.