5 ways to let your Inner Child shine | How to cope with loneliness, sadness or anxiety this Christmas
CHRISTMAS
Here at Talk in the Bay we’ve been thinking about Christmas. It’s hard to avoid, even in November. Decorations are going up, the shops are stocking up on Christmas goodies, and all the stores are playing Christmas songs on a loop. Christmas starts early in our commercially-driven world. We are under pressure to buy the most up-to-date gadgets and toys – children are so easily influenced by the advertising in the build up to Christmas and parents don’t want to let them down. We also feel obliged to fill our homes full of festive goodies and drinks, and of course everyone will be going to a Christmas party, so don’t forget the new on-trend dress or Christmas jumper!
Christmas can mean many things to many people. Some people love it. They have all their presents bought and wrapped by the first week of December, the turkey and all the trimmings have been ordered and the tree is going up this weekend, along with a celebratory mince pie and glass of sherry. However, for others, it can be a time of sadness due to perhaps the loss of a loved one which is keenly felt at this time. Parents can find it very stressful because they don’t have the money to give their kids the Christmas they’d like, and get into debt which never gets paid off, but just builds up into the next Christmas. Or there is that potential boiling pot situation of a big family get-together where tensions rise, arguments happen, and there is the uncomfortable realisation that you don’t all get along or even like each other that much.
So, the festive season can be the best of times or the worst of times. For many it means a time of joy and laughter, a time to be warm and cosy, to give and to share, and to celebrate the many meanings of this holiday time. To some it is a deeply religious time of year and this gives Christmas a deeper meaning, whilst for many people, it is time to spend with family and loved ones. In contrast however, it can be a difficult time, when feelings of loneliness or loss can be heightened. When a person is sad or alone, it makes it so much more difficult to cope when you are bombarded with images and messages of warmth, togetherness and happiness.
HERE ARE 5 WAYS TO COPE IF YOU ARE FEELING LONELY, SAD OR ANXIOUS THIS CHRISTMAS
Meet the needs of your own Inner Child
Tune in and listen to your emotions, trusting them to be your moral compass. If you are feeling vulnerable because of pressure to perform at Christmas time, this could be due to demanding messages, thoughts or beliefs coming from your own Inner Critic. Try to counteract this with healthier, kinder messages that are sensible and manageable. Engage in a Christmas that you can afford, manage and enjoy. Write out how Christmas will look and read it aloud whenever you are feeling pressured to give in to your Demanding Critic.
Create realistic boundaries
Learn to say NO to other people’s expectations and demands so you don’t overindulge financially or emotionally and regret it later. Share problems that are burdening you with those you trust. This can often lighten the load you are carrying. Continuing to put other people’s needs before your own can impact your emotional wellbeing.
Create trust
If Christmas is a time that triggers unhappy memories from your childhood, your Inner Child needs to be able to trust you to be there for him/her in a supportive way and validate any feelings of abandonment, neglect or abuse. Whatever has happened in childhood, your Inner Child needs to know this should never have happened. Only then can you work towards acceptance and moving on.
Express anger and grief
If your emotional needs weren’t met as a child, it is ok to feel angry and sad. You may have been dealt a bad deal in your childhood but you don’t need to tolerate this any longer. Give yourself permission to mourn and feel sad for any betrayal or loss you have experienced. Grieve for what you may have had. If you have recently lost somebody close to you, set aside time for thinking about the person you are missing and remember special moments you had together. You may even like to write something out about them and read it to your close family or friends at Christmas time.
Learn to live in the moment
If you live in the moment your awareness will be completely centered on the here and now. This will enable you to stop worrying about the future or thinking about the past. When you live in the present, you are living where life is happening. To help you do this, download a mindfulness app such as Calm or Headspace and practice mindfulness for 10 minutes a day.
If you need professional help getting through Christmas this can be sought via your GP or calling Samaritans 029 2034 4022 (local call charges apply) or Samaritans National helpline on 116 123 (calls to this number are free).